Joe T. believes New Year’s is a humbug.
By Joe Torosian
“You’re gonna talk! You’re gonna beg to talk! Because someone is going to talk!”—Jimmy Malone
Kick it!
Right off the Top: I had this dream last night…
The prep football season was dead…That must be clear or this story I’m about to share will have no meaning…
It was late in the day on New Year’s Eve when Big George came into the office and said, “Happy New Year, Joe T.”
I ignored him.
“I said, ‘Happy New Year.’”
“Humbug,” I said.
“New Year’s a humbug?” Big George said. “Surely you don’t mean that?”
“I do,” I said. “What is New Year’s but a day to find yourself another year older and watching meaningless bowl games? If I could work my will, every idiot that goes around with ‘Happy New Year’ on his lips should be boiled in his own pudding with a Champagne cork stuck through his heart…You keep New Year’s your way and let me keep it in mine…”
“Keep it?” Big George said. “But you don’t keep it at all!”
“Well, let me leave it alone then…Fat lot of good it has done you.”
Big George got closer. “There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say, New Year’s among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of New Year’s Eve when it has come round as a time to party and engage in good old fashion debauchery. It is the only time of the year when men and women seem by one consent to open their beer kegs freely and seek to get hammered with others…So, Joe T., I say, God bless it!”
Gonzo on the other side of the room applauded.
“That’ll be enough from you,” I told him. “Another sound from you and you’ll be writing for the Rosemead Review…And you, Big George, shouldn’t you be running out to get another tattoo to celebrate another evening’s inebriation?”
“Don’t be stuck up, jefe. Come! Party with us tonight.”
…I woke up…
***
I said it in the last column I wrote…and I’ll repeat the idea here…the football players sitting out bowl games have an argument…but so do the schools they’ve represented…Instead of contract, signature and obligatory picture taken…more of a barter needs to take place before the business of agreeing to a scholarship is completed…I think it is a player’s right to bail on a “Bail Bonds Sun Bowl” contest played on December 26 (or earlier)…but I think the school which provided the education has the right to be compensated back…Make the player responsible for paying back the school for their final year if they willingly walk-out before the season is over.
***
I despise New Year’s Eve…It feels fraudulent…Now if my mortgage went away with the turning of the calendar, cool. If everyone in poor health suddenly got good health, awesome…But those things don’t happen…and it just feels like another excuse for people to get wasted.
My idea of a perfect New Year’s Eve is a Marx Brothers movie marathon…
***
Some Rams Thoughts:
They have to re-sign cornerback Trumaine Johnson…it is imperative. They have to let Kenny Britt walk…they need to re-evaluate defensive end Robert Quinn. Quinn has nine sacks in his last 17 games, not bad until you realize he has only played in 17 games over the last two seasons…He is under contract for three more years, and the defense has been solid without him…The team might need to think about other options.
The Rams have less salary cap-space than the Dallas Cowboys. They’ve only got $5-million to spend…They have to bring Johnson back and find help along the offensive line.
After spending six picks to acquire Jared Goff they have no help coming through the draft…So what’s left to do? I mean, besides finding a head coach…
Trade Tavon Austin…yes, I know he was just signed to a big deal, but he’s the only one you might get some value for…Better still, trade Todd Gurley while he still has some value…
You might think…this is crazy…you can’t trade your two best offensive players from a team that is 4-11…
When your team is 4-11…you can trade anybody.
***
Midbits (same as ‘Tidbits’)
Midbits: Orange Bowl on December 30th? Preposterous.
Midbits: “Well… You can add Rhonda Rousey’s career to the growing lists of deaths in 2016.”—Leonard Hudson
Midbits: My New Year’s Resolution for 2017 is to never use the Oxford Comma again…Even though it feels so right…
Midbits: Robert Griffin III needs to retire and enjoy the rest of his life in good health.
Midbits: Since it is the end of the year…I have to say, THANK YOU…to all of you who have supported and said nice things about “Tangent Dreams.”
The Dude abides…
654
Psalm 147
Contact Joe at joe@midvalleysports.com
Author of “Tangent Dreams: A High School Football Novel” available through amazon.com …and “The Dead Bug Tales” available this fall.
Follow Joe on Twitter @joet13b
Bowl Games are not exhibition games. Go ask Idaho.
You mean @angelus all the teams that Cathedral has taken players from happy new year…– TC at least 4-6 players, Monrovia at least 3-4 and the list goes on and on…
Happy New year to all Team’s from The Cathedral Phantoms.
What I missed during 2016. Missed see my son playing high school football. Hated to see the demise of Olympians football. Happy New Year’s to all bloggers.
I think the market will solve the McCaffery, Fournet thing. They would drop in the draft in my book for a lack of something undefinable. Do these guys not give their all in a contest when their getting beat. Will they run like my most disliked back Franco Harris whose favorite play was running out of bounds? Will they scratch for the last inch when the your down by 14 points? How much will fear of injury play into this. How about team leadership? Team chemistry is still a big deal right. Why should I block and sacrifice my butt on a play where a guy is more concerned about his wallet than gaining value as a team. Both these guys move down to third and fourth rounders if I’am an owner. Just don’t like football players like that. They have not proved anything yet but one thing, and that is that sometimes they won’t play in big games if the money ain’t right.
From Joe T.: I’m really split on this…because you are right…but there is another side of me that says football is such a violent/brutal game that it really shouldn’t be played in exhibition…Who cares who won the Sun Bowl? But if these Bowl games were dumped…and a 16-team playoff was created then you really have something…but I meant what I said…these contracts/scholarships really need to be bartered over…yes they get the education…but image, jersey sales they all play a part…The world has changed so much since everything was perfect and (the real) Anthony Davis was kicking Notre Dame’s butt…
I used to think the same thing about New Year’s Joe….we’re just celebrating the calendar. But the thing that’s being observed is one trip around the sun by our planet, which takes exactly 365 and 1/4 days. After four years, that extra 1/4 day adds up to a whole day, which is where February 29 comes into play. Congratulations on staying alive for that rotation everybody!
From Joe T.: Have you seen the Betty White meme on surviving 2016? It’s funny…I’m a humbug because, even before developing a deeper faith, I can’t stand being around drunks…