By Joe Torosian
“Football? You bet!”–The San Pedro Beach Bums
Relax, take it easy!
Right off the Top: I think the NFL is dying…And I know many/all will disagree with my thoughts…But I see an old friend killing itself, and I feel like I need to say something…
Mark me as old…But it’s the way I feel…
Reasons Why I Think The NFL is Dying:
1.) No one gives a rats-butt about a football player acting like a victim. Players should protest on their own time, or better still in the face of such oppression just walk out–as it is they’re only hurting the league and their careers.
Oh and no airing of grievances in a video prior to kick-off like they did in Cleveland… Persistent politicization of every corner of our lives only turns people off…And according to the TV numbers and the half-empty Coliseum on Sunday…People are turning off big time.
2.) The NFL needs to stop the comedy. I don’t care how funny somebody is or funny the networks or the NFL thinks somebody is…No comedy just give us the game. Give us analysis, give us breakdowns…No morning shows where they sit with coffee mugs and attempt to convince us it is all about football.
I actually dumped the NFL Channel…I never envisioned a scenario like that happening in my life.
3.) For goodness sakes just give us video-review of targeting and hits to the head and pass interference penalties…We can’t go to the ATM, walk out of the supermarket or run a red light without being caught on video…Just give it to us, so we don’t have a game decided by a ridiculous call or a nervous “I THINK he got hit in the head I better throw the flag” call…
4.) Stop the icing of kickers. Once the ball is snapped–I don’t care if the coach is on the sidelines standing next to the official–if the ball is snapped, if the kicker has started his motion…So sad, too bad…It too late…
5.) Please, no more ESPN Monday Night double-headers on opening weekend…Especially if the announcing team is Beth Mowins, Rex Ryan and Sergio Dipp…Talk about a reboot of “The Not Ready For Prime Time Players.”
6.) No more Thursday night games—especially with the disastrous uniforms…The Rams Sunday outfit is bad enough. Football is great and it can endure a 7-day wait between games.
7.) No more red carpet. The NFL needs to move its draft back to Saturday and Sunday…No Stacey Dales interviewing football personalities coming into the draft like it was the Academy Awards. The Oscars suck, the NFL Draft doesn’t have to. And no more sob stories about someone who was raised without a father or a mother or had an aunt, uncle, cousin battling cancer… Everyone’s story is important, but when you continually tell us EVERYONE’S story, it ceases to be moving…The let reaction at being drafted–a genuine moment–be the story.
8.) No more social-crusading from the announcers but especially no more bad announcing teams. Talent should rule the day; no one should get a job because of their gender, race or name… Rex Ryan? Really? I didn’t have a problem with Beth Mowins announcing the game…She was more prepared and knowledgeable than Claudia Trejos, or Lisa Guerrero ever were…But she wasn’t Lindsay Soto, Hannah Storm or Go Go Zelasko…If you’re going to announce you got to have a sound that isn’t painful…Mowins and Ryan will go down in infamy as the worst I’ve ever heard…
I’m currently drafting apologies to Mike Tirico, Chris Berman, Jim Nantz and Phil Simms.
9.) The game lacks continuity…The hard-salary cap prevents fans from getting emotionally connected to their teams. When fans are connected at a deep level, their team can be owned by the devil herself and moved to St. Louis, but they will always love their team…With revenue sharing the owners need to find a way to kick a few more bucks down the depth chart to keep a better connection with its fans and a better football product on the field. I’m sick of a team’s window of opportunity being only two, maybe three, seasons. And worse a 75% roster turnover every two years.
10.) If someone offered Burbank-Burroughs or San Dimas-Bonita or a Temple City semifinal, or an Arroyo CIF Final…I’d take it over a ticket to an NFL stadium…I despise the show at the football stadium more than the wave at Dodger Stadium…No dance cams, kiss cams, no more of those extraneous, ridiculous, preposterous antics before, during or after a game. Just get the guy to blow the horn for the national anthem like they did in Dallas and let the game speak for itself.
Alright, I’m out…Go Rams…I’m anxiously awaiting the rebirth of the USFL–after the NFL implodes on itself–in 2030.
You don’t have to agree with me…Tell me where you disagree…But don’t call me an idiot, a moron, or something else…Because I can call you that right back…And what a colossal waste of time that would be…
The Dude abides…
Contact Joe at firstname.lastname@example.org
Author of “Tangent Dreams: A High School Football Novel” & “The Dead Bug Tales” both available through amazon.com and Barnes & Noble
Follow Joe on Twitter @joet13b