"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."
“It’s Christmas Theo, it is the time for miracles.”
— Hans Gruber
Good Afternoon!
T-Minus-269 Days Until the “Mid Valley Classic”
Kinda of getting out of the sports thing…and holding off on the singing and songwriting thing for now…
What hit me last night and this morning was the age of our Christmas heroes and Christmas miracles… Putting them in real time.
Passing on figuring the age of Christ, who is eternal, and Santa Claus who was real got a make over, then a job at Coca Cola…I thought it would be fun to hit on some of the other stars in the Yule Time Galaxy.
Have you considered Rudolph? Dude is 70 this year. (He came into being as a Montgomery Ward’s ad in 1939) We sing about that night, but what did he do after that foggy Christmas Eve?
I have a feeling after he backed off the sauce, remember he had a red nose, got into organizing for the disadvantaged at the North Pole. He probably would have engaged in some sort of class warfare to redistribute the wealth down from the elves to the undersized reindeer and Siberians brought in to do the work the elves wouldn’t do.
Do you realize the George Bailey miracle in Bedford Falls happened 64 years ago? I know he raised the eight thousand he needed that night, but what did he do with the extra dough?
It only seems like yesterday when John McClane was saving the lives of people at Nakatomi Plaza in Century City and at Dulles Airport in Washington D.C….but that was over 20 years ago. With all the stuff he’s done since, shouldn’t he be heading counter terrorism—I mean Man Made Disasters—in Afghanistan.
It’s been 31 years since Allen Faulkner led a group of 50 mercenaries into central Africa on Christmas Day to rescue a deposed president, where they were double crossed.
Do you realize when that ship overturned in the original Poseidon Adventure, that was on New Year’s Eve 1972? What happened to the six survivors? After 37 years do you think it still haunts them?
“The Christmas Shoes” song hit the market in 2000…Nine years ago, I want to know what happened to that little boy sent to the store to buy those shoes? Do we know for sure if his mom died? Could it have been a scam? Or if she passed, did his dad remarry to a nice lady, a mean lady? What happened? The kid should be pushing twenty right about now.
Did you ever see “House Without a Christmas Tree”? Addie Mills was an 11 year old girl who wanted a Christmas tree but the grouchy Jason Robards wouldn’t let her have one…In the end she wins, but do you realize Addie, young and exciting when we meet her in 1946, is actually (if in real time) 74 years old now?
According to the comic strip Charlie Brown was perpetually eight years old. When he had his Christmas moment that came in 1965…do you realize Chuck and his friends are in their 50’s now if you put them in real time?
Did he ever get out of that neighborhood? Did Linus become a minister? Did Lucy ever mellow? Did Sally come to realize what a pastor makes and decide to back off becoming Linus’s wife?
And what about Snoopy? How old is that dog? And when did he fight the Bloody Red Barron on Christmas Eve?
In real time Snoopy was Charlie Brown’s dog…so if we place him in a 1965 time slot he could not have fought the Red Barron in World War I. Either way Snoopy is tripping. Time tripping in a weird Twilight Zone sense, or tripping on some shrooms. Remember it was the 1960’s.
Lastly…Ralphie Parker…the kid that wanted the Red Ryder B.B. gun, if you put him in the real time of 1940 (its earlier in the book) and make him nine…Ralphie Parker would be 69 years removed from that Christmas in Holman, Indiana and he himself would 78 years old.
Time passes…hush, time passes.
Stay thirsty my friends…
185
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