Joe T.
By Joe Torosian
“I was so surprised, I was hypnotized by the sounds this cat put down.”
—The Spinners
Kick it!
Right off the Top: The day started with an obnoxious San Francisco Giants fan.
Probably about three people in the entire country have voted for John Kasich and by a spin of fate, I ended up sitting next to one of them.
Very nice stadium. (Photo by VillaTheDevil)
It was an interesting Monday. So much to talk about during my nine-innings in Surprise, Arizona. Trips to foreign ballparks, seeing foreign teams (Rockies-Rangers), is like being dropped into an aquarium. Limited space and everyone has marked their turf.
I can share about Dave, the obnoxious San Francisco Giants fan, but he was easy to understand. He was a Giants fan, a mercenary, clear in cause and purpose. The other people, however, were so irritating they could make your teeth itch.
Andy VillaTheDevil and I are in Row A of section 113…and San Gabriel Valley sportswriting legend Steve Ramirez is asking us why, through Facebook, we didn’t get seats in the shade?
Joe Torosian’s high school football novel is available through Amazon.com
(Cover by Pat Cherry www.blackheartart.com)
When we arrive at our seats we can’t sit down because every school aged kid in Colorado is standing at the rail waiting to get autographs from the Rockies players who are warming up along the left field line.
I’m getting put out but I hang in there. I think terrible things.
“Hey, four-footers!” I’m thinking. “Can I sit down in the seat I purchased four months ago?” I’m thinking it but never said it.
How would it look for me to lose control and VillaTheDevil, the guy who loses it when his salad comes to the table un-tossed, is remaining calm?
Then “Rosey” shows up…“Rosey” is not a girl…he’s tall skinny, adult male, who looks about 21. Knifing his way down the aisle he taps a kid on the shoulder.
“Hey, excuse me, I got to talk to someone,” he says. “I’ll get you an autograph. I used to play in the minors with Barnes with the Astros.” He means Brandon Barnes.
A little bit of research (thank you technology) discovers that “Rosey” is Ebert Rosario a career minor leaguer who played with Barnes in Lexington, Kentucky in 2009. He appeared in his last professional game in 2014. He’s 29 years old.
Rosario is calling for Barnes, but Barnes doesn’t come. He starts yelling for first baseman Ben Paulsen to go and get Barnes. Paulsen signs the kids autographs and Rosario keeps telling him to go get Barnes. Paulsen gives him a look at then walks away.
The mother of the kid Rosario moved in front of comes down to make sure that her son still gets an opportunity to get his autograph. Rosario tells her he knows Barnes and that he’s going to get her son an autograph…and then he gives her some attitude.
Meanwhile, I and the VillaTheDevil are watching all of this…The Rockies leave the field and Rosario looks at the kid. “Sorry, I didn’t get you that autograph.”
Who is this jackwagon?
***
The game starts and VillaTheDevil informs Dave, the obnoxious Giants fan, that I used to be a Dodgers fan. Somehow Dave still thinks I’m a Dodgers fan and begins bagging on the Dodgers.
I explain to him I’m a Mets fan because I can’t see the Dodgers. Dave says, “Well if you want to see the Dodgers win the World Series find a VCR and slip in a video cassette…”
Dave is so obnoxious that for a brief moment he makes me want to defend the Bums…but sanity returns before I do anything insane.
***
Adrian Beltre (Photo by Joe T.)
The game continues. Adrian Beltre takes the plate for the Rangers. He broke in for the Dodgers in 1998. Can you imagine if he had been playing third in Chavez Ravine for the last 18 years? It boggles the mind.
If Beltre remains a Dodger that means the greatness of Mike Edwards, Wilson Betemit, Nomar Garciaparra, Blake DeWitt, Casey Blake, Luis Cruz, and Juan Uribe could have been avoided.
Beltre hits a slow roller to third and, in great irony, Rockies third baseman Nolan Arenado charges in and makes a bare-handed scoop and throw to first for the out.
***
Dave, the obnoxious Giants fan, says: “Speaking of third baseman I hear Pablo Sandoval (former SF third baseman) is getting set to be declared the 51st. state because he’s bigger than Rhode Island.”
Funny.
***
In the fifth inning after Rangers starter, Martin Perez begins to struggle and starts the Rockies Cristhian Adames 2-0…“Get the broad out of your head!”
…is shouted from the stands. Whoever said it had better volume than the public address announcer who came across as a bit of a “low talker.”
***
Dave, the obnoxious Giants fan, and I start a conversation about the food at baseball games being renamed and reconfigured.
Things like the size of drinks and combo meals being renamed; California League for small, Texas League for medium, and Pacific Coast League for large.
A dollar menu renamed F.P. Santangelo’s Dollar Menu.
“A Double-Switch” would be you order a burger and we give you a hot dog.
“A Ground-Rule-Double” is you prepare your own sandwich, you load it with all of your favorite things; meat, cheese, lettuce, mustard, avocado, mayo etcetera, etcetera…And then we weigh it. If it exceeds a pre-set ounce level…The stadium employee then gets remove items from the sandwich so it can make weight.
“Four-Out- Inning” could be a hot dog prepared in four stages. One section mustard, another ketchup, another relish, another onion…
Yes, the game had slowed down at this point but Dave, the obnoxious Giants fan, was growing on me.
***
The Urban Sombrero Guy (Photo by Joe T.)
I got up to make my rounds of the stadium in the sixth. Shooting pics from various spots I go down behind home plate. I come down a few steps to snap a shot and this obnoxious old guy wearing a big hat…the kind of old guy you never want to become…Always angry and upset because no one uses a fax machine anymore… The kind of old dude that’s still upset about the catalytic converter…He gives me attitude.
“Sorry,” I say. “Excuse me.”
He doesn’t say anything to me but he does give me a dismissive look.
Ever have anybody give you a dismissive look?
The dismissive look stops my proverbial train in its tracks…Give me a dismissive look…a look that says, “I-don’t-know-how-someone-like-you-got-inside-the-stadium” and it is on.
Not a fan of the dismissive look.
With my ordination credential hanging in the balance, I remained calm. The only thing I could do was take a picture of him and the “Urban Sombrero” he was wearing.
It was a big lid and I’m sure it was a big hit with the people sitting behind him.
***
I get back to my seat and VillaTheDevil leaves for the first aid station because he got sun tan lotion in his eye…Dave, the obnoxious Giants fan, is gone as well.
Watching the game, I pull out my notebook and try to keep up with all of the lineup changes. The sun goes behind the stadium, it cools down. Are things good?
Not exactly.
Two American League fans, across the aisle, on my left, are talking. And they’re not shutting up. People with an American League mindset are from another planet.
Granted…this was an act of insanity. (Photo by Joe T.)
They start spouting off about how ridiculous it is for pitchers to be batting and that the National League should have the designated hitter.
“I’d rather see Jim Thome bat than this pitcher coming up right now,” one said.
“This is boring,” said the other. “Why do they let pitchers bat? Just so they can have the double switch?”
They cuss, they swear, they bag on the National League…but please what is more boring than an American League game in May? June? August?
I know I got caught wearing an Angels shirt this past week…and I can get a little too uptight about things…I’m pro Hal McCrae…but I could never become an American League fan…And never agree with the two guys sitting across the aisle from me…I like the double-switch.
After watching another pitcher takes his cuts…they moaned and left.
***
Was there to see the Rangers number one prospect, Joey Gallo…but there was no Joey Gallo.
The Rockies end up winning 9-6.
***
Lastly: Dave, the obnoxious Giants fan, returns near the end of the game…and we start talking again. We talk life…He finds out I wrote a book…He finds out I’m a minister and his look gets a little more intent.
Then he smiles and sums up our day with this: “I know you’re a God fearing man because you’ve abandoned the Dodgers and become a Mets fan.”
Midbits (same as ‘Tidbits’)
When you leave California…Going to Cracker Barrel is a requirement. (Photo by Joe T.)
Midbits: Does anybody have an opinion about buy pro sports or major college merchandise? After a while isn’t it all the same?
Midbits: “The Angry Crab”…Yeah, that place is alright.
Midbits: Stuck in a room all week with VillaTheDevil…baseball games are on…the news is on…the NIT is on…the Women’s NCAA tourney is on…and the dude is watching a chick flick featuring Justin Timberlake.
Midbits: Cracker Barrel.
Midbits: “Can I just say something here?…No, I shouldn’t…it being 2016 America and all.”—Dennis Miller
The Dude abides…
616
Psalm 109:30-31
Contact Joe at joe@midvalleysports.com
Author of “Tangent Dreams: A High School Football Novel” available through Amazon.com
Follow Joe on Twitter @joet13b
“Joe T.’s Scoreboard” is found at www.midvalleynews.com every Wednesday & in the hard copy of the Mid Valley News, published every Wednesday
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